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Going Against the Grain
What, then, must we do?
Some people have asked me privately, what, if we are to take a
Symbolic or higher-chakra response to the events of the the past
two days, are we to practically do? The only answer I can give is: Wait. Grieve. Mourn. Do not hate.
Practice breathing lovingkindness.
Rather than going to one of the numerous prayer vigils that sprung
up in the landscape last evening, I found it more meaningful last
night to practice tonglen at home. While I think the prayer vigil
response is a very beautiful, meaningful, and healing response
for a great number of people, I also view it as a tribal-level
response–which means that the energy will move at tribal speed,
which IMO is not fast enough to balance and heal all the hurt
and pain and anger that's floating out there in the global brain
right now. Call me impatient, and I feel an urgency that requires
me to act as deeply as I am able, right now. To, like many others,
hold the Light in the area in which I live.
Below is one very practical thing we can do–tonglen–described by an American Tibetan Buddhist. I find this technique to be very effective, and very helpful to me personally. What can I do? It seems like very little—and I know others feel this way too, or completely helpless–still I am reminded of the power of the mustard seed.
I think that these events are the world's suffering made manifest—a society-level dark night of the soul, because it opens up in all if us both the collective shadow and our personal shadow—a tragedy that we can help heal by grounding it through ourselves, each of us, individually. I think of the suffering we have already seen and experienced. I think of the tragedies that will not come clear until the bodycount is complete, and there are some answers as to why this happened (always keeping in mind that there are things we may never know, that will remain Mystery). I also think of the children whose parents did not come home last night, and of those who jumped from the high windows of the WTC rather than die in the fire or collapse. Blessings of Light and Love for the highest good of all concerned.
from When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times by Pema Chodron (Shambhala, 1997):
GOING AGAINST THE GRAIN
In order to feel compassion for other people, we have to feel
compassion for ourselves. In particular, to care about people
who are fearful, angry, jealous, overpowered by addicitons of
all kinds, arrogant, proud, miserly, selfish, mean, you name it–to
have compassion and to care for these people means not to run
from the pain of finding these things in ourselves. In fact, our
whole attitude toward pain can change. Instead of fending it off
and hiding from it, we could open our hearts and allow ourselves
to feel that pain, feel it as something that will soften and purify
us and make us far more loving and kind.
Tonglen practice is a method for connecting with suffering–our own and
that which is all around us, everywhere we go. It is a method
fo overcoming our fear of suffering and for dissolving the tightness
of our hearts. Primarily it is a method for awakening the compassion
that is inherent in all of us, no matter how cruel or cold we
might seem to be.
We begin the practice by taking on the suffering of a person whom
we know to be hurting and wish to help. For instance, if we know
of a child who is being hurt, we breathe in with the wish to take
away all of that child's pain and fear. Then, as we breathe out,
we send happiness, joy, or whatever would relieve the child. This
is the core of the practice: breathing in others' pain so they
can be well and have more space to relax and open–breathing out,
sending them relaxation or whatever we feel would bring them relief
and happiness.
Often, however, we can't do this practice because we come face
to face with our own fear, our own resistance or anger, or whatever
our personal pain happens to be just then.
At that point we can change the focus and begin to do tonglen
for what we are feeling and for millions of other people just
like us who at that very moment are feeling exactly the same stuckness
and misery. Maybe we are able to name our pain. We recognize clearly
as terror or revulsion or anger or wanting to get revenge. So
we breathe in for all the people who are caught with that same
emotion, and we send out relief or whatever opens up the space
for ourselves and all those countless others. Maybe we can't name
what we're feeling. But we can feel it–a tightness in the stomach,
a heavy darkness, or whatever. We simply contact what we are feeling
and breathe in, take it in, for all of us–and send out relief to all of us.
People often say that this practice goes against the grain of
how we usually hold ourselves together. Truthfully, this practive
does go against the grain of wanting things on our own terms, wanting
everything to work out for ourselves no matter what happens to
the others. The practice dissolves the walls we've built around
our hearts. It dissolves the layers of self-protection we've tried
so hard to create. In Buddhist language, one would say that it
dissolves the fixation and clinging of ego.
Tonglen reverses the usual logic of avoiding suffering and seeking
pleasure. In the process, we become liberated from very ancient
patterns of selfishness. We begin to feel love for both ourselves
and others; we begin to take care of ourselves and others. Tonglen
awakens our compassion and introduces us to a far bigger view
of reality. It introduces us to the unlimited spaciousness of
shunyata (enlightenment). By doing the practice, we begin to connect with
the open dimension of our being. At first this allows us to experience
things as not such a big deal and not so solid as they seemed
before.
Tonglen can be dome for those who are ill, those who are dying
or have died, those who are in pain of any kind. It can be done
as a formal meditation practice or right on the spot at any time.
We are out walking and we see someone in pain–right on the spot
we can begin to breathe in that person's pain and send out relief.
Or we are just as likely to see someone in pain and look away.
The pain brings up our fear or anger; it brings up our resistance
and confusion. So on the spot we can do tonglen for all the people
just like ourselves, all those who wish to be compassionate but
instead are afraid–who wish to be brave but instead are cowardly.
Rather than beating ourselves up, we can use our personal stuckness
as a stepping stone to understanding what people are up against
all over the world. Breathe in for all of us and breathe out for
all of us. Use what seems like poison as medicine. We can use
our personal suffering as the path to compassion for all beings.
When you do tonglen on the spot, simply breathe in and breathe
out, taking in pain and sending out spaciousness and relief.
When you do tonglen as a formal meditation practice, it has four
stages:
1. First, resst your mind briefly, for a second or two, in a state
of openenss or stillness. This stage is traditionally called flashing
on absolute bodhichitta (lovingkindness), or suddenly opening
to basic spaciousness and clarity.
2. Second, work with texture. breathe in a feeling of hot, dark,
and heavy–a sense of claustrophobia–and breathe out a feeling
of cool, bright, and light–a sense of freshness. Breathe in completely,
through all the pores of your body, and breathe out, radiate out,
completely, trhough all the pores of your body. Do this until
it feels synchronized with your in- and out-breaths.
3. Third, work with a personal situation–any painful situation
that's real to you. Traditionally you begin by doing tonglen for
someone you care about and wish to help. However, as I described,
if you are stuck, you can do the practice for the pain you are
feeling and simultaneously for all those just like you who feel
that kind of suffeirng. For instance, if you are feeling inadequate,
you breathe that in for yourself and all the others in the same
boat, and you send out confidence and adequacy or relief in any
form you wish.
4. Finally, make the taking in and out bigger. If you are doing
tonglen for someone you love, extend it out to those who are in
the same situation as your friend. If you are doing tonglen for
someone you see on television or on the street, do it for all
the others in the same boat. Make it bigger than just that one
person. If you are doing tonglen for all those who are feeling
the anger or fear or whatever that you are trapped in, maybe that's
big enough. But you could go further in all these cases. You could
do tonglen for people you consider to be your enemies–those who
hurt you or who hurt others. Do tonglen for them, thinking of
them as having the same confusion and stuckness as your friend
or fourself. Breathe in their pain and sen them relief.
Tonglen can extend infinitely. As you do the practice, gradually
over time your compassion naturally expands, and so does your
realization that things are not as solid as you thought. As you
do this practice, gradually at your own pace, you will be surprised
to find yourself more and more able to be there for others even
in what used to seem like imposible situations.
—Pema Chödrön
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